Spiritual Warfare In Manic Psychosis
As I think back to my frame of mind of psychosis, I am familiar with the voices in my head that blew up my sanity.
I am familiar with the “sense” of evil that seemed to follow me wherever I went while fighting not “against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places,” as Ephesians 6:12 says.
Everyday was a spiritual battle to wake up in my right mind when manic. I know there was a connection to the spiritual in this naked state of mind.
I was spiritually vulnerable and scared to death of the evil that seemed so invasive. Especially in the hospital.
In the following excerpt from my memoir, But Deliver Me From Crazy, I share a scene that shows the wrestling of powers alive in myself through Christ, and powers in the Satanic patient I encountered. Never meeting this man before that moment, nor after, was a curious thing, but spiritual warfare was all too common in this setting.
For the best of encounters with demonic play, I was honored by the presence of a man covered in pentagram tattoos, with half his head shaved, and the longest set of fingernails I’d ever seen on a person, man or woman. At about seven o’clock in the evening, his black eyes looked at me from across the room and I heard him speak into my head. Telepathically.
Come outside with me.
I wasn’t shocked, I wasn’t appalled. I was slightly intrigued, but ready to rise to the challenge. I tried to do it back to him and tell him “no”, but that didn’t work. So I followed him outside.
Sit next to me.
He did it again. And I tried to “think” back to him, but he didn’t respond, so I obviously didn’t have the magic. But I had the power — the power of the name of Jesus.
He opened his mouth and spoke. “So my people are ready. If you’re ready, I can get you out of here tomorrow.”
And there I sat on the bench next to him, swinging my legs and watching those around us. I could see inside to the common room as it was getting darker out – it was dusk. I wanted to leave, but I wondered where we’d go.
I sensed his evil, but it didn’t phase me or scare me. I took to praising Jesus now and broke out in song. The wind suddenly picked up as I belted out a Hallelujah-type chorus with my soprano voice worshipping my way out of this madness.
“Thy Kingdom Come,” I sang. “Lord Jesus, Thy Kingdom Come, Lord Jesus. All praise, honor and glory to your name, Lord Jesus. You reign, Lord Jesus, You’re coming with the clouds–”
At this point my voice carried over the fence and into the wind that grew stronger. Leaves suddenly blew into the courtyard while I prayed victory in song. My brown hair whipped around my face as my crescendo plateaued. The clouds’ racing shadows advanced over the courtyard. It seemed to stun the other patients. Their eyes widened and they filed inside. After my first stanza, the Devil-worshipper left me on the bench alone. He followed the others inside, and I never saw him again. I never felt so good. I smiled, basking in the presence of Jesus while I had hit the Devil’s curveball out of the ballpark.
Homerun.
As a Christian, my stance on spiritual warfare and evil is basic. I believe like it says in Proverbs 11:27 “He who earnestly seeks good finds favor, But trouble will come to him who seeks evil.”
If you look for evil, you’ll find it. You attract what you are looking for.
In spiritual warfare, there is a lot of power in prayer, but I feel like so much spiritualizing and prayer against evil is to only seek it out, and it find you.
So I try to follow Philippians 4:8 where it says “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”
Another couple things I believe are related to this are the fact that our lives are hidden in Christ (Colossians 3:3), and the Lord fights our battles for us (Joshua 23:10, Deuteronomy 20:4).
We don’t need to go looking for demon-oppressed or those possessed and exorcise them. Nor do we have to say anything to Satan.
I believe there is a time and place for denouncing curses, and maybe I’ll get into that in another post. But for the most part, while being bipolar and psychotic can make you vulnerable to spirituality and stranger-than-fiction kinds of things, I do like to take comfort in the fact that God is alive, He’s in control, I am set free from the power of sin and evil in Jesus. It’s His job to save and redeem souls, not mine. I am to be a light in a dark world.
Like Jesus said, others would hate us because they hated Him, and we belong to Him. So don’t be surprised or scared when spiritual warfare seems so real. Count it joy, consider yourself blessed to be persecuted for Jesus’ sake, praise Him through it, and when the storm passes, share your testimony!!
Speaking of, is there a time you were in the middle of spiritual warfare? I’m curious -what did you do and how did God fight your battle?
13 Comments
Upon Being Healthy
I’m very curious – how do you know when it’s spiritual warfare vs brain chemistry? Is it spiritual warfare or mixed up brain chemistry when I’m feeling my lowest? I’d love to know your take on that. Thanks!
Katie R. Dale
Upon, great question. Can I answer it in a post? Would love to go into depth on that one… Thanks for reading!
-Katie
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krissi chambers
i have this belief that all things work in 4 ways. 1- medical. 2- psychological, 3- physical, 4- spiritual. once you have defined each of these areas in your life, i believe a person is able to concur anything the devil throws at us. not everything is spiritual and not everything is any one of the other 3 however all 4 work in coalition with each other for the good and the bad.
Katie
Krissi, Great observation. I agree that all of those different facets of our lives (you label 4, I see up to 8) are intertwined. You can’t be healthy in all of them with any area unaddressed and lacking. Which area is the weakest link will be most vulnerable. If we identify the areas that are weak we can work toward strengthening them, so long as we acknowledge them. Some people would be content to leave out spiritual or unseen facets. Those are just as important. Thank you for your feedback! Be well!
Charlene
I myself have experienced spiritual warfare, albeit after a alcohol induced withdrawal which led professionals to label it as psychosis. I took the drugs prescribed but deep down I know what I experienced over a 2 week period was completely real.Dark spirits attaching themselves to me, talking to me , trying to get me to come with them somewhere.That somewhere I have no idea where that was.violating me sexually of a night and in the day. It was extremely distressing and scary however I had complete faith in god and Jesus.I called jesus in one night and had a vision of him travelling through the clouds with 2 great big stars either side of him. He was coming to bring the dark energy around me into the light.strangely enough some of the evil voices I heard were those of my ex partner.ai had been warned about him previously that he was a narcissist. My family thought I was going mad hence the mental health referral and diagnosis of psychosis but for me I know I have been blessed to experience something that words cant really describe.
Katie
Charlene, I’m sorry you experienced such real and scary encounters with the unseen/spiritual. I’m glad you called on Jesus! There is power in His name and, and He is not a God of confusion. I know a lot of my confusing experiences in the psychosis and spiritual warfare will never make sense to me this side of Heaven, and that’s ok. We don’t have to understand why in order to trust Him, do we? Thank you for sharing your experience. And thank you for your positive perspective on the experience! We can truly count all our trials and persecutions a joy if we are hidden in Christ. God bless you!
Mrs. Fisher
A wonderful post. The ending, I feel contains the mentality/reason why so many are saved but lack deliverance. We need more Deliverance Ministries. It would be ideal if every Church/congregation had a Deliverance Ministry; so that, as soon as someone gets saved they attend a deliverance session after services and classes how to hold on to it. But here in America we are see things through rose colored glasses, unlike in Africa where they are very aware of such things and deal with them accordingly. It is our responsibility to cast out devils.
Katie
Mrs. Fisher,
I need to apologize for not being clearer. In my post, I am describing manic psychosis and spiritual warfare. I am not addressing demon possession, though I allude to it. I may need to rewrite this post, since it may be unclear that I’m encouraging a faith in Christ to fight this kind of spiritual and mental war fare, and not talking about casting out demons. There is a difference between the two, and while I agree there ought to be a deliverance ministry in America, there is also much misguidance in the area of demon posession when mental illness is present. I firmly believe a born again Christian can never be posessed, and therefore do not need deliverance. Whereas, an unbelieving person may need a demon exorcised from them… but at the discretion of those trained and equipt to do that. Though we disagree, I appreciate your feedback!!
Kelly Painter
In response to Mrs. Fisher, I think what you suggested, after deliverance, is an excellent idea. I can say that because I have been delivered before, but had no idea how to maintain that deliverance and how to guard and protect against it. I very much believe in angels and demons and I very much believe they are just like the Bible says they’re roaming around looking for someone whom they can devour, and their only goal is to kill, steal and destroy, and that we are in a very literal real war, every single day. I’m not sure if I totally understand or agree with what was mentioned from one of the posts above, but I believe even Christians, knowingly or unknowingly through sin, or trauma, or have no fault of their own can open a door or window, or give Satan a foothold for him to come in and wreak havoc and chaos and destroy your life and so therefore I most certainly believe 100% of every fiber of my being that some people really do need deliverance and need to have those devils demons and evil spirits cast out. It very plainly says that in the Bible. One of the examples is when Jesus and his disciples pulled up on the shore, and got out of their boat, and encountered the man of the Garacies, who lived among the tombs. he was demonically possessed, and in fact, Jesus ask him or the demon inside of him to name it self. How the demon responded is quite chilling. He responded or the demon dead that we are legion, meaning thousands to 10,000s, because why Legion is a word associated with Roman soldiers, so what the man or the demon was saying is that we’re in here by the thousands, or possibly up to the 10,000s. They immediately recognized Jesus as a son of God, and begged him not to kill them. He has them into a herd of swan, and they went off the cliff. And so that man that was possessed in which chains in cannot contain him, was that free at that very instant. He sent out 12 disciples to go, heal the sick and cast out demons, and when they were turned to him, they were so excited that they said, Jesus, even the demons are subject to us in your name. And Jesus said when he goes away that his and wonders, but that they will be in an even bigger and better way. There are numerous examples of demon possessed characters listed in the Bible, so we know from those demons are real and they can inhabit you. That’s also why it said in the parable or story about his disciples trying to cast out a demon for a father, begging for healing for their child. It’s also funny that this ties in with fasting that most of the church in today’s time doesn’t believe it’s important, but Jesus said when you fast not if you fast. And so he was a little put out by the disciples, lack of faith, but then he ends that statement with this kind only goes out with prayer and fasting. Not really trying to be a smart Alec or act like a know it all all I can speak on is what I have experienced in my life and what I have read to be true, either in the Bible itself, or from the inspired words spoken to me through my pastor and other Bible teachers not to mention probably the 20 to 30 books have amassed specifically on spiritual warfare. When you’re in a position where you know, your family is under attack it would be unwise to just ignore it and hope it just goes away because you don’t want to spend so much time thinking about Satan and his demons because I think I understand it as your belief that you’re giving him too much time and attention and credit. I understand that to a point, but I also believe that my people perish for lack of knowledge . There’s so much occult and witchcraft going on in the world today and it’s right underneath the evangelical Christians and everyone else and we are blind and oblivious to it. It is growing in such fast, fast numbers that you can look on the magazine rack and see a magazine labeled witchcraft . I was a palled and actually in utter shock that that kind of blasphemous material was out front and center in a store, where anybody with a little bit of curiosity could pick it up and once they do that the foothold is gained and the door is cracked open. One more thing when you know better you do better, and I also feel like it’s my job to lead guide and teach and protect my children from the very real forces of evil that surround us every day . In fact, I would be doing more harm than good but not teaching them how to recognize the I behind every bush or tree you see but everyone should have a full awareness that your enemy is out there. They have your number and they are slow and calculated and wait for the most opportune time. Depends on you and if given enough time patience waiting for you to turn away from God or you were in sin, don’t believe for one second they won’t pounce on you to destroy you to steal your life and ultimately kill you. And if you think these thoughts are outlandish, you really need to look it up and see that when I’m speaking is the truth and I pray the tree the up and starts to preach the truth of the Bible, the hard reality, instead of being afraid to offend someone because they don’t believe in the devil anymore, but that was Old Testament, but I will tell you that God is the same yesterday, today and forever and what the early disciples Lee what we experienced today. I for one I’m not leaving my life or my family’s life up to chance. So I have two choices, I can choose to accept this defeated, tormented, unbearably painful life and just give up or I can continue to pull myself up from where I fell face first and decide to fight another day . I refuse for him to remain victorious. The war is already won, but the battles are up to me.
Katie
Thank you for your thoughts, Kelly. You have a lot of biblically-based wisdom here. Much to think about! My door to that unseen realm opened wide when I stopped taking my psych meds. Like a cousin to psychedelic drugs, we are in a day and age when the mind and brain are very fragile and chemistry and circuitry can warp one’s perception of reality in addition to invite that kind of spirituality into our lives. I pray I never have to change up my medications dosages again, since God has helped me heal by being on the same 2 pills for the last 10 years.
Jason
Katie,
Thank you so much for your truly brave post and sharing. I am a Christian and had never been diagnosed as bipolar before my incident last year, but I suppose that does explain quite a bit and now I have some awareness and tools to help in that area.
That being said, my episode started with physical illness including extreme pain (diverticulitis?) and unable to even keep water down without vomiting. The extreme dehydration exasperated my chronic kidney disease to the point that when I finally made it to the hospital I was septic, rushed into surgery and on dialysis within hours. Lord Jesus was gracious to heal me even to the point of regaining at least enough kidney function to no longer need dialysis. I was so happy and blessed and understandably elated (manic state?). Sadly, that’s when the trouble (spiritual warfare?) truly began.
Within a day of being released from the hospital I began to have visual and auditory hallucinations with strong delusions of conspiracy from people at work wanting me to go commit suicide. I don’t think I will know all of what happened this side of heaven but my gun was in my car and I have no memory of taking it there although I was always awake and sober minded (post-dialysis). By the time the police arrived for a wellness check I volunteered to go to the hospital (one week to the day of being released) because I knew something was wrong and I wanted a toxicology report thinking perhaps I had been poisoned(?) and that if I really was going crazy that I needed help.
I did spend a week at a mental health facility, although it actually took most of the last year trying to put the pieces together and only quite recently have I felt back at the wheel of myself. Again I thank the good Lord above for bringing me through that as well.
Question – you mentioned your memoir was titled Bipolar Brave; however, the book listed on this site and Amazon is a different title. I would love to read your experience and thoughts and assume this is the same book? Thanks again.
Katie
Jason, thank you for catching that mistake on this post- I’ve updated to reflect the true title and link to Amazon, as yes, it’s the same memoir, just published as But Deliver Me From Crazy… but to your story, thank you for sharing! It sounds like you had a difficult time with both your physical and mental health. God is always good, and he shepherds us through the dark valleys as he has done with you. Your story is unique and worth telling, though I’m with you, sometimes these events don’t always make sense. I still can’t make sense of a lot of my journeys. But I’m sure he doesn’t expect us to have it all figured out either… we can still trust his goodness, no? Well, thank you again for sharing your comment. Be well and stay brave!!