You Can’t Change Your Loved One with Mental Illness, But Here’s What You CAN Do

Living with our loved ones can be a battle, let alone the loved ones with mental illness. We tend to want to change others’ behaviors, but we cannot. We can only control our behaviors and set healthy boundaries to encourage better behaviors. Here are a few ideas of what you can do if you are dealing with a loved one who has mental illness.

Pray For Them

Putting our hearts in God’s hands is surrender. Putting other’s hearts in God’s hands is selfless.

God may never take their mental illness away, but He will give you both the strength you need to find the rest and peace you need.

Lift up your voice and ask the Lord to heal them and resolve their emotional turmoil. Put their specific symptoms at His feet – their paranoia, anxieties, fears, depression. Psychosis, mania.

Name them and reject the damage and harm that the enemy means for evil.

Instead, praise and thank God for the victory in advance. Pray the blood of Jesus over them. For peace that surpasses all understanding for you and them.

Do this in secret, behind closed doors and don’t tell them or let them hear you. Remember, our God who sees in secret rewards those who pray in humility and privacy (Matthew 6:6).

Appreciate Them

Think of the reasons why you love them and tell them. First, write them down and list them. Then, remind them why you love them. Remind them that their illness is just a small part of who they are, that their diagnosis is not their life or their name. It is a part. Tell them what you like about them too!

Encourage Them

If they’re lost and stuck in a rut with depression or anxiety, it’s always okay to encourage.

You can say a few things, like “You aren’t alone. I’m here with you.” Or “I hear you, and that sounds difficult.”

Use their name – it’s the sweetest sound to an individual’s ear.

And build them up: “I know you can come through this. Think about the times you came through something tough before!” “When the going gets tough, the tough get going!” “I know you, and you are more than a conqueror. You keep fighting and don’t give up.”

Laugh With Them

Joke around and lighten the mood. Sometimes, the best pick-me-up is a funny thing said. It may be the way you say it, but try making them laugh about something.

If you’re not as gifted with the words on the quick, maybe have a silly one-liner joke that’s appropriate for the moment, and just ask them, “Can I tell you a joke?”

If they’re not in the mood it’s okay to be sensitive to their moods and hold off for a better time. If they let you tell it, hopefully they get a chuckle out of it. They may not remember what you said, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.

Dream With Them

Ask them open-ended questions about their hopes and dreams. Get deep and curious about their opinions and views. “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” and similar questions can keep their perspective focused on long-term things. And you’d like to know what they aspire to be and do, since you love them.

Help Take Care of Them

It’s the hardest part of having a loved one with mental illness. But natural supports for someone with mental illness in an episode are vital. It’s crucial to share the burden of things they need done for them to help them.

If they are in a place where they cannot seem to keep up with the minimum responsibilities or tasks to take care of themselves (showering, dressing, eating, sleeping, etc.) it may be on your shoulders to take some of the weight.

For the season – because mental illness is for a season at a time – you may be the one called upon for helping them keep track of taking medication as prescribed or making it to appointments as their transportation and support.

For a family whose spouse/parents are mentally ill, you may need to step in and communicate for your loved one to their employer or mental healthcare professionals. When they’re well and can reason, make sure you are a trusted loved one that they can disclose HIPAA with.

And Another Thing

Here are some tips in other posts I’ve outlined to help when someone is depressed or manic:

6 Things Not To Do Around A Manic Person

8 Things To Do For Someone In Mania

6 Things Not To Do Around a Depressed Person

8 Things To Say To Someone With Bipolar Depression

Talk Bipolar To Me: Part One

Talk Bipolar To Me: Part Two

Talk Bipolar To Me: Part Three