Getting to Your Best Life (Eventually), But Getting There

Disclaimer

To be clear, this is not a sermon or book from Joel Osteen on “how to live your best life now.” However, this is a blog post on how to get to a better version of life, based on a conversation I had with my older brother, successful family man and businessman, Matthew Wolfe.

Let me briefly introduce you to this extraordinary human and then share the life truth nuggets he shared with me.

Looking Up to My Older Brother

Matthew is a motivated, persuasive and intelligent 35-year-old. He has come to a place in life that I would define as successful because he utilizes character-building tools that have leveraged him into a healthy and whole place in each facet of his life – spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, social, financial, practical.

Matthew is the most insightful person I know. He doesn’t just talk with others, he engages with them, and looks at life with a completely fresh and interesting perspective. For example, he and I took a walk last night and he interacted with our neighbors. He (naturally) called their new puppy over and pet him while discovering how the neighbors found this dog earlier that day and brought him home. While chatting with the neighbors, I watched as he practiced what he taught me earlier in the day.

A Healthy Successful Life vs. A Hopeless Disparaging Life

Earlier in the afternoon on a walk through the neighborhood, I asked him, “What makes Matt Wolfe so successful, while someone in a Facebook mental illness support group can be in such despair, and how can someone reading my blog in the throes of mental illness reach the place that you’re at?”

That hour, Matthew explained to me the various thoughts he had on how one can reach their future state of success. He mentioned, “Had you asked me this question 10 years ago I would have said ‘it’s will-power and self-starting.’” But he went on to explain, and the answer was “Influence. Human contact. Face-to-face physical person-to-person counseling.” In other words, taking interest in another human being and taking them under your wing and coaching them.

The Best Way to Reach Your Best Life

He and I also recognized that there are many mediums by which we are influenced by as human beings, but the one that stands above the rest is being physically present and engaged in the same room as another.

His theory: face-to-face interpersonal interaction is exponentially more lasting and life-changing. When we influence another or are influenced mutually by being present in the same physical location, that is where the real change begins.

The seeds take root and we are motivated to make different choices.

How to Give and Take Humbly

He attributed his ability to change and overcome adversity to being poured into by others. I pointed out that I would like to help others and pour into their lives, but found myself “taking” a lot, instead of giving. As in, listening a lot more than giving advice or help (in person — not online — that is). I admitted that I felt I needed to work on that area in my life of finding others to help influence.

He pointed out that while I tend to take others’ advice and am a listener, that is a “healthy selfishness.” That begets an internal satisfaction, just as his ability to coach and counsel others is.

We are both in it for something we can get out of it, just in different ways.

This was insightful and helpful.

And furthermore, if I am to change that part about myself, I must want to and it has to become important enough to me. Not something I “should” change because someone else thinks so, but because I am wanting to.

The Importance of Importance

Change is something all of us are capable of. For long-lasting and permanent success in life, you have to want it badly enough.

When it’s someone isolating online and reaching out typing a post to complain how lonely or distressed or depressed they are, much of the time the feedback they will get from others in that forum will be short-lived.

When they finally decide to go to a physical person and express their concerns and listen and apply that advice they get from a good source of wisdom, they will grow and change. It will become manifested in the work they put into it.

Counseling and coaching will facilitate the human-contact factor and influence them to change for good.

Conclusion

To summarize, the recipe for successful, lasting change:

1. Identify that you have a problem/be honest with your current state;
2. seek out a person to talk to, be accountable to, and get counseling from;
3. be willing to learn, grow, and change/heart attitude/humility;
4. apply principles learned in counseling into everyday life/work/practice

Additionally, when you begin seeing those changes and meeting those milestones, reflect on how you got there, recognize your growth, and reward yourself.

Don’t forget – there will be someone to thank.

And I thank God for my brother.