3 Irrational Fears and How I Need to Face Them

Fear is a funny thing. It can drive us away from something, or can drive us to do something. In my life, fear has taken many forms and caused a variety of behaviors, but the three more common fears that I face are being rejected, being vulnerable, and being judged.

I’m even afraid of the way this post will be received. I want to stay true to myself, but as I write, I am sensing a fear of opening up to you, just to tell you how it is!

Without further delay, here is why I have those fears, and how I need to face them…

1. Fear of Being Rejected.

This is a big deal to me, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’m probably the biggest people-pleaser I know. It has always been a priority to me to be liked and accepted. Probably because I grew up with a popular older sibling who was extremely good at being liked and a favorite of friends. I had always had an introverted shy personality, yet wanted to shine like my big brother’s, and come out of his shadow to be my own “cool” person. As years have passed and I’ve gotten to be 30-something years old, I don’t compare myself to him anymore, but I still want to be liked. If I am to break myself of this self-obsessing cycle, I will have to do a few things:

1. • Accept God’s love for me. I was dwelling on this concept last week, to myself, thinking about how much God must love me. I have seen and experienced His love in many many ways, but somehow it’s not yet sunk in to the fullest. Even the verse in 1 John 4:18 convicts me – “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” If I was perfected in that love, how fearless I could be! If you’re like me and you are afraid of rejection and being accepted, praying and asking God to break us and shape us to love Him more and not worry about our standing with others is the next step.
   • Accept my identity in Christ. I get caught up in how many likes I get on a post, just like most of us that frequent social media. I realize in my mind that those aren’t important to who I am as a person, and surely don’t define me by any stretch. If I realized in my heart that I belong in the family of God as a sister of Jesus, a daughter of the Heavenly Father, and that within me is the Holy Spirit empowering me to have the ability to live and walk in light and victory…how that changes things. I wouldn’t look to others for acceptance or rejection. I would be looking to the fact that I am already accepted, and the only rejection that should matter to me is the rejection Jesus took in my place.

2. Fear of Being Vulnerable.

This goes hand-in-hand with the last answer to facing the fear of rejection. To accept that God accepts me, and loves me no matter what, that’s going to take vulnerability. I have to be honest with my maker and confess how awful I’ve behaved and how selfish I’ve acted. My heart is just not pure. Vulnerability makes me feel naked and afraid, and if I’ve acted disobediently or dishonorably, it can make me feel ashamed. For one, I don’t need to air my dirty laundry in places it doesn’t need ventilating, but I at least need to be ready to come before my Maker and admit where I’ve sinned against Him. Here’s how I’ll have to face my fear of being vulnerable:

• • Come as I am. Surely nothing surprises my Heavenly Father, since He sees past, present and future. Sometimes I am blinded by a deception that says I don’t need to confess or communicate to Him because He already knows what I have done or am going to say. But if for nothing else, I can hear the words come out of my mouth and know that upon confessing it aloud, and asking for mercy, I’ll be forgiven and made right with Him (1 John 1:7-9). Do you think He would rather us stay silent and hide? Eventually our conscience or the circumstances will bring up the past and it is up to us to rise to the challenge of accepting responsibility for what mess we’ve made or even just being honest with how things are. I know I have a problem with apologizing and am so proud, it hurts my ego so much to admit I’m wrong. But that doesn’t make me a lesser person to face my mistakes and admit them. Somehow it feels like I’m a terrible person if I have to apologize. I think that’s the perfectionist in me. Afraid to fail, and afraid to be vulnerable. It may sting, but I think the point is that God will forgive me and hopefully the person I’ve hurt will too. Then things can be made right, and get better.

3. Fear of Being Judged.

Similar to a fear of rejection and whether people like me or not, I have a fear of being judged. As in, do I measure up to other’s perception of who I am? I’m afraid that I’d be judged if people saw me for who I truly am. With the sins I’ve committed, those poor decisions I’ve made would negate the “perfect” image I try to portray to others on a surface level. Have you made some pretty big mistakes in life too? Have you tried to excuse them away, blame them on your mental illness, and deep down inside you think you’d be judged or are being judged for them? There’s always a fear of people finding out how I think and those sins I’ve committed. I think it’s because if they knew my past they would question my authenticity. I don’t want to come off as a fake, a phony or a failure. As I wrestle with this fear I realize I’ll have to face it by means of:

• • Forgiving myself. I have a hard time letting myself off the hook. I have pictured myself as literally hanging by my collar on a hook on the wall behind me, and trying to get myself off it seems impossible. I also call it the Vicious Vicious Cycle – “I’m so critical of myself, and I’m critical of being critical of myself…” and on and on, so I feel worse and worse. If I am to face the fear of being judged, I need to realize I’m forgiven in Jesus, and if He forgives me, I cannot be above Him to not forgive myself. And so what of what other people think of me? Does what they think of me truly matter in the grand scheme of life? I think not! If they’ll judge me for something I’ve been forgiven and set free from, their judgment holds no weight, since I am free.

So what about you? Are you struggling with fears of rejection, vulnerability, judgment, or something that eats at you when you face it? Be honest with yourself. What can you do to face it? Do you think you’re going to get past it by ignoring it? Be brave, let’s talk, and share in the comments section!